he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
