I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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