I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
