Who wears a wallet chain?!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
