is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
What a dumb baby whore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
