guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
