She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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