This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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