Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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