I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
