omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
