remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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