Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
