I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
