lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
