Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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