ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
