why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize