I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
home. puking in laundry basket.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
