i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
