I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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