I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
