Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
