i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
