I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
