my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize