Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
