Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
