i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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