I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
