we're blogging at a bar
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We're too hungover to prance.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
