and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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