Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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