Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
