I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
