I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
