Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
