Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i think i have two assholes
you didnt know i had herpes?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
