I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
