Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
