White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize