you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
