No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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