Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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