Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
