i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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