I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
