Can Purell be used as lube?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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