In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
