Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
