hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
