i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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