remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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