How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
