that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
