I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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