She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
