at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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