i jhust puked up my retainher.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
