dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
