But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
