.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
