i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
