I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we're so committed to being not committed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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