i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
