Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
